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Season 4 · Episode 21 · First aired 12 March 2006

I Take Thee Quagmire

Episode 21 of Family Guy season 4 (S04E21), the 71st Family Guy episode overall. Written by Tom Maxwell, Don Woodard and Steve Callaghan and directed by Seth Kearsley. First broadcast on 12 March 2006.

Story

Peter wins the bonus round on Wheel of Fortune; his prizes include a week of free maid service. He works the maid, Joan, relentlessly. Quagmire meets her, falls in love, proposes and changes his whole personality. At the wedding reception Lois's shirt tears open, showing breasts swollen since she began weaning Stewie, and Quagmire realises he wants his old life back. When he raises an annulment, Joan threatens to cut herself and him. Peter helps him fake his death, first with an unconvincing video, then with a staged heart attack and burial in an air-stocked coffin. Mayor West's order that coffins be set in concrete forces Peter to dig him up alive. Death arrives for Quagmire, but Joan grabs Death's arm and dies instead. Meanwhile Stewie, in withdrawal from breast milk, tries to pump Lois in her sleep before accepting the change, only for her to resume feeding him.

Production and reception

  • Tom Maxwell, Don Woodard and Steve Callaghan wrote the episode and Seth Kearsley directed; Seth MacFarlane called it the first real Quagmire story. Wikipedia, I Take Thee Quagmire
  • Bryan Cranston voiced Hal in a Malcolm in the Middle cutaway after Jane Kaczmarek declined to voice her character; Alex Trebek, Adam Carolla and Christy Carlson Romano were also guests. Wikipedia, I Take Thee Quagmire
  • Fox bleeped one word of Cleveland's remark when Quagmire meets Joan, and a Crystal Pepsi gag appears only on the DVD because television rules forbid promoting one product over another. Wikipedia, I Take Thee Quagmire
  • Nielsen ratings put the first airing at 8.06 million homes, and the episode closes with a tribute to Don Knotts. Wikipedia, I Take Thee Quagmire
  • Tom Eames of Digital Spy ranked it fourth among the show's best episodes, and Michael Drucker of IGN found the Volume 4 episodes funnier than those of Volume 3. Wikipedia, I Take Thee Quagmire

Voices

VoiceCharacters
Seth MacFarlanePeter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin
Alex BorsteinLois Griffin
Seth GreenRicky
Mila KunisMeg Griffin
Adam CarollaDeath
Stephan CoxPat Sajak
Bryan CranstonHal
Ralph GarmanAlec Baldwin
Darrel HeathScreaming Black Dolphin 2
Mike HenryCleveland Brown

Principal voice credits as recorded by IMDb, which lists up to ten credits per episode, so recurring characters can be missing here. Guest voices below come from Wikipedia and TVmaze.

Guest voices

  • Adam Carolla as Death
  • Stephan Cox
  • Bryan Cranston as Hal
  • Darrel Heath
  • Beth Littleford as Jane Kaczmarek
  • Christy Carlson Romano as Quagmire's One-Night Stand
  • Nicole Sullivan as Joan, Joan the Maid
  • Fred Tatasciore as Construction Worker
  • Alex Thomas
  • Alex Trebek as himself, Alex Trebek
  • Patrick Warburton as Joe Swanson
  • Adam West as Mayor Adam West
  • Jennifer Tilly as Bonnie Swanson
  • John Viener as Announcer
  • Danny Smith as Minister
  • Steve Callaghan as Operator

Season 4: episode 21 of 30

  1. E1North by North Quahog
  2. E2Fast Times at Buddy Cianci Jr. High
  3. E3Blind Ambition
  4. E4Don't Make Me Over
  5. E5The Cleveland–Loretta Quagmire
  6. E6Petarded
  7. E7Brian the Bachelor
  8. E88 Simple Rules for Buying My Teenage Daughter
  9. E9Breaking Out Is Hard to Do
  10. E10Model Misbehavior
  11. E11Peter's Got Woods
  12. E12Perfect Castaway
  13. E13Jungle Love
  14. E14PTV
  15. E15Brian Goes Back to College
  16. E16The Courtship of Stewie's Father
  17. E17The Fat Guy Strangler
  18. E18The Father, the Son, and the Holy Fonz
  19. E19Brian Sings and Swings
  20. E20Patriot Games
  21. E21I Take Thee QuagmireYou are here
  22. E22Sibling Rivalry
  23. E23Deep Throats
  24. E24Peterotica
  25. E25You May Now Kiss the... Uh... Guy Who Receives
  26. E26Petergeist
  27. E27The Griffin Family History
  28. E28Stewie B. Goode
  29. E29Bango Was His Name, Oh!
  30. E30Stu and Stewie's Excellent Adventure

Season hub with air dates and credits for all 30 episodes

SourceFacts from Wikipedia: Family Guy season 4 and the episode's article (CC BY-SA 4.0). Spotted an error? See corrections.

Provenance

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6 September 2026
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Note
The story summary and notes were written for this site from the sources listed, by Claude in Claude Code on 2026-09-08, awaiting editorial review. Facts only; no dialogue is reproduced. Voice credits: Information courtesy of IMDb (https://www.imdb.com). Used with permission. Guest cast data from TVmaze (https://www.tvmaze.com), CC BY-SA.